Wasting police time… or a crime left unsolved?

12th September 2017. Reported by Jennifer Zedd, Weekend Chronicle

A series of allegations and distressed calls has called for an investigation into an office in London, Weekend Chronicle has heard.

One anonymous employee in technology company GensTec has been making contact with the local police over ‘disturbing and unusual behaviour in the workplace’ over the last few months. However, when enforcements went down to scout out the office, there was no evidence of any criminal activity, and as such the case has been deprioritised.

In addition, the police have issued a warning against the anonymous employee at GensTec for false reporting, and will fine the company and person in question severely should this behaviour occur again.

Keith Plummer, DCI on the case commented, “We take every case that we are handed with extreme caution at the utmost of severity. However, unless tangible evidence about unlawful behaviour comes to light, we cannot continue to investigate GensTec.

“Of course we will be on the lookout for any more reports, though we have spoken to the contact in question and they understand the severity of wasting police time.”

Weekend Chronicle can however report that there have been numerous allegations towards previous and current employees at GensTec that still don’t add up. These include the former CEO resigning due to debt trouble, which caused tension amongst many employees. Some even decided to move company due to the tense atmosphere.

Ken Smithers, Senior Accounts Manager at GensTec, provided comment on these events: “I don’t want to point any fingers, but I think the whole debt thing was orchestrated. And this was just the beginning of the odd behaviour. Ever since then, nothing has been the same.”

“But I won’t give up on my company.” Ken continues, “I’ve invested a good portion of my life into GensTec. If the law don’t see the problems yet, I’ll stay on watch and keep my friends and co-workers safe.”

If you’ve heard anything unusual about activity of behaviour at GensTec, please contact the Weekend Chronicle.

The workplace uncovered: why Divided is the most groundbreaking crime documentary of our time

5th October 2018. Reported by Mel Niel, Insider Monthly

Shocked and horrified. That’s how I would describe my feelings after I finished Divided, a brand new documentary series to be released later this month. The show uncovers a disturbing truth to have unfolded in what could be any office anywhere in the world in 2018, whilst exposing and examining a secret that has plagued humanity for centuries.

The workplace environment isn’t something we always examine in great detail. We care about our paychecks, our promotions and how long our lunch breaks will be; but whilst we’re caught up in these superficial details, there are seeds being sown that can slowly corrupt a company, employee by employee. Before you know it, businesses are no longer a place for contributing to the economy. Instead, they are generators of festering behaviour. Hubs for criminal activity.

In this true-crime exclusive, this wider narrative is told by our ‘protagonists’ if you will, Ken Smithers and Carol Anderson. After noticing how their own workplace was slowly changing into something darker, the two pulled together all the evidence that they could on their own company to help bring the injustice to light. And of course, to allow others to see the real truth.

GensTec was once just a simple company, with Carol and Ken devoting 19 years of service to the company between them. But within the last ten years - as old talent left and was replaced by others - they began to realise that something else was going on. The new workers had an agenda, and were determined to see it succeed.

“Making this series hasn’t been easy,” explains Carol in the pilot episode, “I’ve tried to be fair, I’ve tried to let things slide. But when activity started becoming dangerous, then I knew that I had to act. I had to go public with this.

“I obviously couldn’t go to the police” Carol continues, “What they’ve done isn’t just black and white. They’re not considered ‘true crimes’ in the eyes of the law. Nobody would ever listen to what I had to say. So I needed proof, I needed evidence. And this series IS that.”

Divided's producers explored the shocking depths of Ken and Carol's situation, and with years of research and the help of the victims, Divided was born. A show that will bring viewers along for the shocking narrative as it unfolds.

The series makes me question not just Carol and Ken’s unfortunate working environment, but society as a whole. I now look at every colleague differently. Every email seems suspicious. I can’t sleep at night without thinking about whether I’VE been corrupted, and I just wasn’t aware.

Though I advise you watch Divided, do so with caution. I was not prepared for what it drew attention to, and writing this review without revealing the whole narrative was extremely difficult. But the only way to know the truth is to witness it, even if it means facing something we don’t necessarily like.

Email trail between Ken and Carol

An Open Letter...

Dear Millennials and Gen Z,

If you’re here, you may be wondering when the full series of Divided will be being released. Where is this groundbreaking documentary that we were promised? This ‘true-crime exclusive’ that was so hyped up to be your next series binge this Autumn?

Well, we have to be honest here. There is no documentary, there is no business called ‘GensTec’ that is falling apart, and (as much as we wish this weren’t true) Ken and Carol aren’t actual case studies that we have found.

There is however, an ugly truth about current generations that we all need to face. You see, Ken and Carol may not be real, but their personalities are all based around some of the negative publicity that younger generations have faced. Stigmas that impact on the impressions of employers, that hold people back from numerous opportunities.

Perhaps you think we may be exaggerating. Well, take a look at some of these REAL headlines below, and then tell us your thoughts:

Philadelphia Magazine - How Millennials are killing mayonnaise
The Sun - I'M OFFENDED! Selfish, lazy victims who take offence at everything: Why I HATE being part of Generation Z
iNews - Millennials are shunning potatoes
The Daily Mail - Dad writes ‘Millennial’ CV for daughter

I’m sure you’ll agree that stories like these are, quite frankly, bollocks. As a team, we couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer audacity that these ‘journalists’ had to create such stereotypes about our current cohort of students and graduates. And that’s because we know what you guys are really capable of.

According to a report from EY, 89% of Gen Z respondents say that they’d prefer to spend their free time in creative and productive activities as opposed to “hanging out”. Furthermore, Deloitte reported that 69% of Millennials will consider staying within a job for over five years ONLY if the workplace is inclusive and diverse.

So tell us, does that sound like generations that are lazy and self-entitled? Individuals who don’t give a shit about their future or society? We sure don’t think so.

But highlighting these facts doesn’t drown out the white noise from news outlets like the above. THAT was why Divided was created; to take these stereotypes to the extreme. To show how the ‘Kens and Carols’ of this world are twisting actions to suit their own narrative.

To highlight the absolute absurdity of what lengths the media will go to in order to tarnish the reputation of young people.

It’s not shocking to know that journalists prefer bad news to good news. After all, whatever sells is the most important thing, right?

We’re not here to appeal to the masses. We’re here to shout about what young people do best, to showcase students and graduates. And trust us when we say, we’re here to disprove the Millennial and Gen Z myths.

So go forth, show Divided to your parents, to your extended family, to your Baby Boomer work colleagues. Get people talking and debating the stereotypes. Maybe then we can begin to start a cross-generational conversation.

… and if we’re lucky, maybe we can change the minds of the people who are blaming Millennials for ‘killing mayonnaise’. Bloody twits.

Gen Z steals plastic bag from old lady

Mable forgot her bag for life; becomes victim of entitled young vigilante

GEN Z is now so overly-conscious of the environment that they’re willing to resort to bullying vulnerable old ladies, it has now been revealed.

Pulled-Out-Our-Arse Daily was told about the story from 83 year old Mable, who was accosted on her regular visit to the local Co-op for a packet of cigarettes and a scratch-card.

After forgetting her bag for life, she asked the shopping assistant for a regular carrier bag to purchase her items with.

She claims that a threatening young man wearing “round tortoiseshell glasses that made him look like a little twat” thrust his own spare bag for life at her to use as an alternative.

It was done without any warning whatsoever, and he mockingly claimed that it was “to help save the planet”. Mable is now receiving therapy following the traumatic experience.

After talking to our reporters, she is also calling on her fellow pensioners to help stand up to the uncontrollable youths of today.

“I’ve been on Earth for much longer than this cretin, so I have more of a right to do what I want. And if I want my own plastic bag for my bloody ciggys, then I’ll bloody take one.”

Millennial refused praise for existing and has a meltdown

A YOUNG WOMAN has been admitted to a psychiatric ward due to an emotional breakdown because her boss failed to reward her for being present in the office, A Load-of-Bollocks on Sunday can reveal.

Zara Potts had been in her new office - TeK Stuffz - for a mere four days and had not yet contributed anything of particular worth to the company due to being so new.

She then suffered an emotional turmoil when her boss refused to acknowledge that the sun shined out of her arse.

For her own safety she’s been admitted to Snowflake Central Ward in Greater London and has been put on an indefinite amount of leave.

Clinical psychologist at the ward, Dr Gifty Jumbo, comments: “Hiring managers need to be aware that Millennials require constant grooming of their egos, even if they’ve done absolutely nothing.

“This is just one of many cases that I’m dealing with, and our ward is overflowing. I worry about paying the rent because we’ve had to spend our funds on Spotify subscriptions and shit loads of avocados.”

‘Entry level’ job applicants required to have 20 years’ work experience and ability to stretch time

GEN Z graduates applying for their first jobs are expected to have extensive experience, a degree and quite clearly the ability to turn months into years.

Employer, Mr Ken Smithers, said: “The problem is, that these graduates are applying for entry level jobs with no work experience whatsoever.

“They are clearly too busy crushing Avocados and talking selfies to spend any time learning about things that matter, like how to manipulate the path of time.

“Being vegan is not going to get you a job; hard graft and the ability to do a degree while working full time in an alternate dimension, will.

“That’s the trouble with these Gen Z’s. They want it all handed to them on a plate. A non-plastic, recyclable, Fairtrade plate, with a side of fucking quinoa.

“However, I am willing to offer a few lucky applicants the chance to work a 72 hour week doing shit jobs no else can be bothered to do, as an unpaid intern. You can’t be fairer than that.”

Millennial arrested for killing everything

A MILLENNIAL has been arrested for murdering cigarettes, divorce, pubs, plastic straws and everything good about society.

According to the prosecution, 25-year-old Alfie Brown was also planning on trying to destroy sexual harassment, racism and bread.

Detective Tim Haynes said: “Alfie is not the first and he won’t be the last Millennial to try something like this. If we don’t stop these entitled little shits, they’ll kill everything great about Britain.

“Like Tories, casual sexists, Brexiteers, middle-aged twats - they’ll all disappear completely and then who will run the country?”

Alfie’s father, Mr Brown, said: “I don’t understand it. Alfie was a really good kid. He was unbelievably tolerant of gluten and I don’t think he’d ever even seen an avocado, let alone crushed one. He even used to actually laugh out loud with his mouth, you know?

“But one day everything changed. He grew a beard. He went vegan. He started a vlog and began to berate me for reading the Daily Mail.”

Wasting police time… or a crime left unsolved?

12th September 2017. Reported by Jennifer Zedd, Weekend Chronicle

A series of allegations and distressed calls has called for an investigation into an office in London, Weekend Chronicle has heard.

One anonymous employee in technology company GensTec has been making contact with the local police over ‘disturbing and unusual behaviour in the workplace’ over the last few months. However, when enforcements went down to scout out the office, there was no evidence of any criminal activity, and as such the case has been deprioritised.

In addition, the police have issued a warning against the anonymous employee at GensTec for false reporting, and will fine the company and person in question severely should this behaviour occur again.

Keith Plummer, DCI on the case commented, “We take every case that we are handed with extreme caution at the utmost of severity. However, unless tangible evidence about unlawful behaviour comes to light, we cannot continue to investigate GensTec.

“Of course we will be on the lookout for any more reports, though we have spoken to the contact in question and they understand the severity of wasting police time.”

Weekend Chronicle can however report that there have been numerous allegations towards previous and current employees at GensTec that still don’t add up. These include the former CEO resigning due to debt trouble, which caused tension amongst many employees. Some even decided to move company due to the tense atmosphere.

Ken Smithers, Senior Accounts Manager at GensTec, provided comment on these events: “I don’t want to point any fingers, but I think the whole debt thing was orchestrated. And this was just the beginning of the odd behaviour. Ever since then, nothing has been the same.”

“But I won’t give up on my company.” Ken continues, “I’ve invested a good portion of my life into GensTec. If the law don’t see the problems yet, I’ll stay on watch and keep my friends and co-workers safe.”

If you’ve heard anything unusual about activity of behaviour at GensTec, please contact the Weekend Chronicle.

Email trail between Ken and Carol

The workplace uncovered: why Divided is the most groundbreaking crime documentary of our time

5th October 2018. Reported by Mel Niel, Insider Monthly

Shocked and horrified. That’s how I would describe my feelings after I finished Divided, a brand new documentary series to be released later this month. The show uncovers a disturbing truth to have unfolded in what could be any office anywhere in the world in 2018, whilst exposing and examining a secret that has plagued humanity for centuries.

The workplace environment isn’t something we always examine in great detail. We care about our paychecks, our promotions and how long our lunch breaks will be; but whilst we’re caught up in these superficial details, there are seeds being sown that can slowly corrupt a company, employee by employee. Before you know it, businesses are no longer a place for contributing to the economy. Instead, they are generators of festering behaviour. Hubs for criminal activity.

In this true-crime exclusive, this wider narrative is told by our ‘protagonists’ if you will, Ken Smithers and Carol Anderson. After noticing how their own workplace was slowly changing into something darker, the two pulled together all the evidence that they could on their own company to help bring the injustice to light. And of course, to allow others to see the real truth.

GensTec was once just a simple company, with Carol and Ken devoting 19 years of service to the company between them. But within the last ten years - as old talent left and was replaced by others - they began to realise that something else was going on. The new workers had an agenda, and were determined to see it succeed.

“Making this series hasn’t been easy,” explains Carol in the pilot episode, “I’ve tried to be fair, I’ve tried to let things slide. But when activity started becoming dangerous, then I knew that I had to act. I had to go public with this.

“I obviously couldn’t go to the police” Carol continues, “What they’ve done isn’t just black and white. They’re not considered ‘true crimes’ in the eyes of the law. Nobody would ever listen to what I had to say. So I needed proof, I needed evidence. And this series IS that.”

Divided's producers explored the shocking depths of Ken and Carol's situation, and with years of research and the help of the victims, Divided was born. A show that will bring viewers along for the shocking narrative as it unfolds.

The series makes me question not just Carol and Ken’s unfortunate working environment, but society as a whole. I now look at every colleague differently. Every email seems suspicious. I can’t sleep at night without thinking about whether I’VE been corrupted, and I just wasn’t aware.

Though I advise you watch Divided, do so with caution. I was not prepared for what it drew attention to, and writing this review without revealing the whole narrative was extremely difficult. But the only way to know the truth is to witness it, even if it means facing something we don’t necessarily like.

An Open Letter...

Dear Millennials and Gen Z,

If you’re here, you may be wondering when the full series of Divided will be being released. Where is this groundbreaking documentary that we were promised? This ‘true-crime exclusive’ that was so hyped up to be your next series binge this Autumn?

Well, we have to be honest here. There is no documentary, there is no business called ‘GensTec’ that is falling apart, and (as much as we wish this weren’t true) Ken and Carol aren’t actual case studies that we have found.

There is however, an ugly truth about current generations that we all need to face. You see, Ken and Carol may not be real, but their personalities are all based around some of the negative publicity that younger generations have faced. Stigmas that impact on the impressions of employers, that hold people back from numerous opportunities.

Perhaps you think we may be exaggerating. Well, take a look at some of these REAL headlines below, and then tell us your thoughts:

Philadelphia Magazine - How Millennials are killing mayonnaise
The Sun - I'M OFFENDED! Selfish, lazy victims who take offence at everything: Why I HATE being part of Generation Z
iNews - Millennials are shunning potatoes
The Daily Mail - Dad writes ‘Millennial’ CV for daughter

I’m sure you’ll agree that stories like these are, quite frankly, bollocks. As a team, we couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer audacity that these ‘journalists’ had to create such stereotypes about our current cohort of students and graduates. And that’s because we know what you guys are really capable of.

According to a report from EY, 89% of Gen Z respondents say that they’d prefer to spend their free time in creative and productive activities as opposed to “hanging out”. Furthermore, Deloitte reported that 69% of Millennials will consider staying within a job for over five years ONLY if the workplace is inclusive and diverse.

So tell us, does that sound like generations that are lazy and self-entitled? Individuals who don’t give a shit about their future or society? We sure don’t think so.

But highlighting these facts doesn’t drown out the white noise from news outlets like the above. THAT was why Divided was created; to take these stereotypes to the extreme. To show how the ‘Kens and Carols’ of this world are twisting actions to suit their own narrative.

To highlight the absolute absurdity of what lengths the media will go to in order to tarnish the reputation of young people.

It’s not shocking to know that journalists prefer bad news to good news. After all, whatever sells is the most important thing, right?

We’re not here to appeal to the masses. We’re here to shout about what young people do best, to showcase students and graduates. And trust us when we say, we’re here to disprove the Millennial and Gen Z myths.

So go forth, show Divided to your parents, to your extended family, to your Baby Boomer work colleagues. Get people talking and debating the stereotypes. Maybe then we can begin to start a cross-generational conversation.

… and if we’re lucky, maybe we can change the minds of the people who are blaming Millennials for ‘killing mayonnaise’. Bloody twits.

Gen Z steals plastic bag from old lady

Mable forgot her bag for life; becomes victim of entitled young vigilante

GEN Z is now so overly-conscious of the environment that they’re willing to resort to bullying vulnerable old ladies, it has now been revealed.

Pulled-Out-Our-Arse Daily was told about the story from 83 year old Mable, who was accosted on her regular visit to the local Co-op for a packet of cigarettes and a scratch-card.

After forgetting her bag for life, she asked the shopping assistant for a regular carrier bag to purchase her items with.

She claims that a threatening young man wearing “round tortoiseshell glasses that made him look like a little twat” thrust his own spare bag for life at her to use as an alternative.

It was done without any warning whatsoever, and he mockingly claimed that it was “to help save the planet”. Mable is now receiving therapy following the traumatic experience.

After talking to our reporters, she is also calling on her fellow pensioners to help stand up to the uncontrollable youths of today.

“I’ve been on Earth for much longer than this cretin, so I have more of a right to do what I want. And if I want my own plastic bag for my bloody ciggys, then I’ll bloody take one.”

Millennial refused praise for existing and has a meltdown

A YOUNG WOMAN has been admitted to a psychiatric ward due to an emotional breakdown because her boss failed to reward her for being present in the office, A Load-of-Bollocks on Sunday can reveal.

Zara Potts had been in her new office - TeK Stuffz - for a mere four days and had not yet contributed anything of particular worth to the company due to being so new.

She then suffered an emotional turmoil when her boss refused to acknowledge that the sun shined out of her arse.

For her own safety she’s been admitted to Snowflake Central Ward in Greater London and has been put on an indefinite amount of leave.

Clinical psychologist at the ward, Dr Gifty Jumbo, comments: “Hiring managers need to be aware that Millennials require constant grooming of their egos, even if they’ve done absolutely nothing.

“This is just one of many cases that I’m dealing with, and our ward is overflowing. I worry about paying the rent because we’ve had to spend our funds on Spotify subscriptions and shit loads of avocados.”

‘Entry level’ job applicants required to have 20 years’ work experience and ability to stretch time

GEN Z graduates applying for their first jobs are expected to have extensive experience, a degree and quite clearly the ability to turn months into years.

Employer, Mr Ken Smithers, said: “The problem is, that these graduates are applying for entry level jobs with no work experience whatsoever.

“They are clearly too busy crushing Avocados and talking selfies to spend any time learning about things that matter, like how to manipulate the path of time.

“Being vegan is not going to get you a job; hard graft and the ability to do a degree while working full time in an alternate dimension, will.

“That’s the trouble with these Gen Z’s. They want it all handed to them on a plate. A non-plastic, recyclable, Fairtrade plate, with a side of fucking quinoa.

“However, I am willing to offer a few lucky applicants the chance to work a 72 hour week doing shit jobs no else can be bothered to do, as an unpaid intern. You can’t be fairer than that.”

Millennial arrested for killing everything

A MILLENNIAL has been arrested for murdering cigarettes, divorce, pubs, plastic straws and everything good about society.

According to the prosecution, 25-year-old Alfie Brown was also planning on trying to destroy sexual harassment, racism and bread.

Detective Tim Haynes said: “Alfie is not the first and he won’t be the last Millennial to try something like this. If we don’t stop these entitled little shits, they’ll kill everything great about Britain.

“Like Tories, casual sexists, Brexiteers, middle-aged twats - they’ll all disappear completely and then who will run the country?”

Alfie’s father, Mr Brown, said: “I don’t understand it. Alfie was a really good kid. He was unbelievably tolerant of gluten and I don’t think he’d ever even seen an avocado, let alone crushed one. He even used to actually laugh out loud with his mouth, you know?

“But one day everything changed. He grew a beard. He went vegan. He started a vlog and began to berate me for reading the Daily Mail.”